How did I Become The Sexual Person I am Today
Many factors predetermine a person’s beliefs and thoughts related to sexuality. If to analyze the events that occurred in my life, I can conclude that there was one major experience that made me become the sexual person I am now. There was a time when I was far from being mature. I had no idea what my relationships with boys should be like, and, as most young girls, I was dreaming about a charming prince instead of thinking about real people with their own flaws and problems. I also did not realize that in a relationship, both partners have to work hard for it to work out well. The experience that changed me was a three-year relationship with a good, caring, and supportive person who helped me greatly in becoming a more mature individual and now I know what I want in a relationship and what I expect from my partner. Due to the above described experience, I also became more self-confident and accepted the way I look.
When I was sixteen years old, I started dating one of my acquaintances. At that time, I had known him for about six months. I also knew his friends because we were spending a lot of time together. Our relationship lasted for almost three years, and I believe that it had a deep impact on the development of my sexuality. Now, after some time has passed, I can conclude that this impact was mostly positive. Taking into account that I knew what kind of person he was, I trusted him deeply. I was certain that this person would never offend me or hurt my feelings on purpose. Fortunately, during our relationship, this person did not betray my trust. The first serious relationship in a person’s life often determines all the following relationships. For me, my first relationship experience was happy, and that is the reason why I value the fact that I dated this person for a long time. He knew that I was sexually inexperienced, and he never said a word to rush me in any way. He was the real gentlemen, and he did nothing but waited patiently and showed his good attitude towards me. Our first sexual intercourse occurred about a year after we were dating each other. It happened because I trusted my boyfriend, and I felt I was ready to do it. My parents are rather conservative, and I think that if my first experience occurred under other circumstances, it would possibly lead to problems in our family. But, in that case, they respected my boyfriend, they knew him well, and they were sure that his intentions towards me were only good. During three years of our relationship, I learned how to build it, and I also had a chance to realize what factors play an important role in a relationship.
Mutual respect is one of the core values in a relationship for me. If one of the partners has no respect towards another, then he or she will not treat the partner well. Maybe at the beginning, it is possible to hide the absence of respect towards the partner. However, eventually, when feelings will cease to be so strong, the partner will not be able to hide his or her true attitude. I think that without respect, there is no point of being in a relationship, though I am aware that this view is true to certain kinds of relationships. For example, respecting each other is not crucial if people just have casual sex. However, if the relationship is serious, then respect is something that can hold two people together for the whole life. In my culture, people consider one-night-stands to be inappropriate, and I agree with this view. My parents also taught me that a person should have a sexual intercourse with someone you really care about.
I believe that mutual love is very important in a relationship. During the three years of the most important experience in my life, I felt no love towards my partner, and he was in love with me. The lack of this compound foredoomed this relationship to failure. Now I realize that a relationship can be very good in different ways, but without love, it will end sooner or later. The existence of mutual love is of great importance at the beginning of a relationship. It is clear that love has various forms, and any of them should be a part of a relationship because later it will evolve into another form and prevent partners from splitting up. Five years ago, I thought that eternal love existed, and I just did not find the right person. I have a different opinion concerning this issue now; I think that the first form of love lasts for several years, and then it evolves into a deeper and more mature feeling. At first, love is more passionate, then passion slowly fades away, but more respect and security become peculiar to this relationship.
In my opinion, communication is an essential compound of a relationship if this relationship is long-term, of course. In the course of time, love and passion cease to be so strong, so there must be something that will unite the two people. I think that if partners come home and they have something to share about their day, then this relationship can go through anything. And on the contrary, if people have no common interests and views, then they will live together as if they are strangers. Several years ago, I did not realize the importance of communication in a relationship – this realization emerged after I had an experience of a long-term relationship. I noticed that when passion almost disappeared, communication helped us stay together for some time.
This experience also helped me to realize that mutual understanding is crucial for a relationship. If to analyze our relationship, it turns out that we understood each other perfectly. For example, we rarely quarreled if I was in a bad mood. For example, my boyfriend used to ask me why I was not in a mood. Moreover, he kept trying to find out the reason till I gave up and told him. Secondly, even if I felt badly and did try to quarrel, he turned everything into a joke. I did my best to be supportive of him. My boyfriend had a difficulty in finding a job, but he heard no word of reproach from me. It is possible to provide many similar examples. Today, when I already know how partners should support each other, I will not consider dating a man who fails to understand my feelings and desires. I will also not risk having a relationship with a man whom I do not understand.
I think that sharing plays a very important role in a relationship. Before this relationship, I thought that both partners should have a lot of personal space in a relationship. However, I later learned that if partners share their thoughts and problems with each other, then they live happier lives. When a partner shares his or her problems, then this person can receive understanding and support in return. Support in difficult situations is very important for any individual. Besides sharing problems, it is crucial for partners to share their desires with each other. People are not able to read each other’s minds; sometimes, it is necessary to find courage and say something out loud. Problems also exist within a relationship, and if partners do not discuss and solve them, then these problems accumulate and lead to the end of their relationship.
The relationship with this partner helped me in learning the significance of partners’ flexibility in a relationship. I am grateful to my boyfriend for showing me that partners should be able to adjust to each other’s needs, desires, and characters. For example, my partner never questioned my actions, though I was rather young when we were dating – he treated me as an adult. He also never told me that he was dissatisfied with any of my traits of character. I agree that a person should accept the partner the way he or she is. I do not believe that people change. Maybe I have not observed such situations, but I think that individuals who claim that people can change do not realize that there is a difference between actually changing and pretending to do so. Thus, I think that there is no point in dating a person who cannot accept who I am. This knowledge can prevent me from making a mistake in the future.
This relationship greatly changed my attitude towards the way I look. I am aware that my appearance, as well as anyone else’s, has certain flaws. When I was younger, I tried to hide these flaws by wearing a lot of make-up. Today I prefer to not do it without a special occasion. Now I believe that I look pretty even without any make-up. Of course, this view might be subjective, but I am glad that I became more self-confident concerning my appearance. If to think about the ground for this change, it probably happened because I used to hear a big amount of compliments from my boyfriend. He never got tired of repeating that I was very beautiful, and that this beauty was not connected with wearing make-up. I also used to worry about my extra weight, but my boyfriend reassured me that extra pounds would not alter the way he felt about me. Altogether, throughout the duration of our relationship, I heard so many nice words that I started to believe that they were true. I accepted the fact that I was pretty, and I stopped being shy when I heard compliments. I also started working to improve my appearance. For example, five years ago, I was not interested in sports at all. I attended physical training classes at school, but I was not fond of them. Today the situation is different – I like jogging. I prefer this kind of physical training because of several reasons. Firstly, jogging makes all muscles of the body work, so this activity is very beneficial for my health and body. Secondly, it improves my mood and makes me more active. This relationship has also helped me to become more feminine. I got used to hearing compliments, and I just wanted to look better all the time. In order to be even more confident in my appearance, I started wearing dresses and high heels on our dates. Soon this behavior turned into a habit, and now I cannot imagine myself wearing something else when going on a date with my boyfriend. In everyday life, I can wear anything, and it will not influence my confidence, while five years ago, clothes could have a big impact on my self-esteem.
Today, when I am in America, I have a possibility to learn about another cultures and this culture differs from South-Korean when it concerns sexuality. In South Korea, media promotes family values and the importance of intimate relationships. South Korean media do not make the audience think that random sexual intercourse is socially acceptable. Today, the messages I receive from the media are rather confusing. However, this information does not change my beliefs concerning sexuality; it makes me more open-minded, and I think that it is rather advantageous. For example, now I understand people’s motifs of having casual sexual relationships. Some of them are too focused on their careers to devote much time to a serious relationship, so they choose casual sex to save their time and efforts. Others would not like to commit because of different reasons. In any case, Americans live busier lives, they contain more opportunities, and they are rather stressful. It is natural that they have to adjust their sexual behavior to their lifestyles. To tell the truth, five years ago, I considered having sexual intercourse without being in a relationship as morally unacceptable. Today I still would not like to practice anything similar, but I already have no judgment towards people who do it.
To conclude, the task of considering what shaped my sexual personality was not as easy as it seemed, but writing about it was rather engaging. I chose one major experience in my life to make this analysis. While considering my three-year relationship, I became surprised of my findings. To tell the truth, I never thought of this relationship as being something so influential. On the contrary, I believed that it was nice, but it was a failure and a waste of time. Thus, this analysis helped me to not only learn about the background of my views, but to also reconsider the meaning of this relationship. I focused on several effects of this experience on my personality. Firstly, I considered how my expectations from a relationship and my partner changed. Secondly, I analyzed how my body image altered. Finally, I described the way my beliefs changed when I came to America. This assignment deepened my understanding of myself.